Not So Forgiving
by msavanna87
Summary: Just a quick one-shot.Basically Edward and Bella are dating in college, but what happens when Edward does something that could break them up... forever? all human, kinda ExB, not really. You'll find out. Read it!


There she is, oh God. I can see her waiting for me, exactly where I asked, looking through the crowds, searching for my eyes, until she found them. Okay, breathe. Don't panic. It's just Bella. The same girl you've been seeing for three years. The girl you can't stand being away from for one day, the very same girl who you'll be leaving in just a few moments.

Okay, attempting to find a positive thought through this mess was not the right thing to do. And all the while she's coming closer and closer, I feel like I'm suffocating. I can't do this. I can't breathe. Then again, she's always left me breathless. Her smooth golden hair flowing down her back, that radiant smile that could light a whole room… Focus!

Maybe she'd be better off if I just left now. She wouldn't have to know the whole truth behind my run. I should really just leave now, instead of properly breaking her heart and smashing it to pieces. If I ran, she would never know about the party and Lauren…

_Flashback:_

_"Come on Edward. We could just have some fun, nothing big." Lauren smiled at me, and damn did she look gorgeous tonight. Or maybe that was just from the shots. Anyways, here she is, her arms twisted around my neck, and she's got such a great mouth, and she smells really good. I can feel her hips push against mine, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I know this is wrong. But I just can't seem to remember why. It must not be that important if I can't even remember it. _Of course it was important you dip shit! Bella! Bella was the reason you shouldn't have…

_"Edward, let's just go upstairs. I know that you have feelings for me, and even if you don't, that's okay. We can still have fun." I felt her hands start to trail down my chest, and it reminded me of something. Someone who had done this to me countless times… Bella! Yes, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I just went upstairs to __**talk**__ to Lauren. If we were just talking, she would have no reason to be angry. And it's the least I can do. After all, it is Lauren's party. And she did invite me._

_"Sure Lauren. Let's go upstairs." I grabbed one of her hands and dragged her after me through the throng of people. She seems so happy. I already feel better. I made someone else happy too! We got to the stairs when I started to stumble a bit, but this wasn't the first time I'd gotten drunk in college, or even high school, for that matter. I clutched onto the handrail, taking a moment to do a balance check. Then I continued my journey up the stairs._

_"Why are stair cases so long? I mean, don't the people who make these things have any consideration for the drunks?" Lauren giggled, but I really didn't find it funny. How could they be so cruel?_

_We finally reached the top, when Lauren stepped in front of me and started pulling my hand towards a room on the right side of the hallway. "Where're we going?" I really didn't recognize where we were, barely recognized Lauren._

_"We're going to go to my room. We can 'talk' there." I followed along obediently, hoping to shed some light on what was going on here. When she threw open one of the doors. Inside, the room looked like a fucking pixie wonderland. Purple sparkles and pink sequins covered the entire room, including the pink fuzzy bed, fuzzy lilac-colored chair, and the deep purple fuzzy desk. Yes, she had a fuzzy desk, which is completely awesome! She quickly threw me onto the mass of pink fuzz that she called a bed. Lauren slowly crawled on top of me, slowly, so painfully slow. Quickly as I possibly could in my current condition, I flipped her over. Now laying on top of her, I slowly ran my eyes over her body. But..._

_"Lauren, where did all of your clothes go?" I asked, utterly bewildered. They were just... gone. Did they fall off on her super sexy prowl up the bed? Maybe, did she take them off?! Did **I** take them of of her?! I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, Lauren was an extremely attractive girl, and I was EXTREMELY drunk as well. It didn't matter at this point, I was nearly mad with lust. And here was Lauren underneath me, naked. It seemed like she would be willing to help me out with my little, uh... problem right now. Bella would never do as much. She didn't care about me, or my need as a man. And besides, who said we couldn't have a little "fun"?_

"Hey Edward. What's up?" Oh god. She was already here, so my chances of running were ruined. I looked down at the beautiful angel who had been the focus of my life for the past three years. I'm a terrible person.

"Uh, hey Bells. Em... yeah. Isabella, will you come for a walk with me?" I couldn't tell her in front of all these people. That wasn't fair to her. Knowing Bella, she would cry. **I would bet my life on it.**

"Eh, yeah sure." I took her hand and led her to a secluded path, hidden by high bushes and low-hanging branches. It was nearly overrun by weeds, but the path was still faintly visible. It was the path to our place. Our meadow. I pulled aside all the branches for her as she stepped through, being as accident prone as she was, I didn't want her to get hurt because of me. Ha, not as if I wouldn't be hurting her in the worst way possible in just a few moments. We finally made it there, after ten painstaking minutes of my torturous thoughts.

I turned quickly on her and dropped her hand. Staring at the ground, feeling her eyes piercing into me, I murmured, "Bells, we need to talk."

I managed to take a swift glance up at her, only to deeply regret it. I didn't want that look in her eyes to be my last memory of my angel. I didn't deserve her in the least. Of course, I never did in the first place. As soon as the words left my lips, she knew. She knew that classic break up line, who didn't? The look of betrayal in her eyes was clear, there was no denying it. If only she knew how deep my betrayal went. But how else was one to go about severing all ties to the best thing that had ever happened to him?

I finally came to a decision on how to break the news to her. I had to tell her the truth. Not all the gory details, but enough so that she knew what a hideous person I was. I couldn't let her think it was her fault in the least. But I can't let her think that we can ever be together again. She was too good for me, she deserved so much better. There was only one way I could think of doing that, and that was by lying. Ugh, my head hurt with all these thoughts pounding through it. Then again, if I told her the truth, she wouldn't want to be with me anyways. She would be disgusted with me, cast me off and wish to never see me again. I guess my choice was made for me.

"Isabella, I'm so sorry. I'm a hideous person. So horrible for doing this to you. I wish I didn't-"

"It's okay Edward. I know." I stared at her in awe, there was no way that she could possibly know what I was about to say. If she already knew, then she surely would have broken up with me a week ago, when the "event" occurred. She wouldn't be giving me those curious and heart-broken stares in the hallway, wondering why I had been ignoring her. Right?

"Bella, please listen to me. You don't know. You have no idea what a horrible person I am. **Why** I'm such a horrible person." I could feel my eyes starting to tear up, but I was determined not to cry in front of her. I couldn't. Because if I did, I wouldn't be able to do it.

"You slept with Lauren, at her party last Friday. You've been ignoring me ever since, too afraid to face me, not knowing what I was going to say, or what I was going to think. If I would judge you, think of you as less of a man for not being to wait for me, like you said you would. Edward, I've been thinking about this, and I don't think we can ever work this out." By this time the tears were flowing out my eyes, whether I wanted them to or not. But not Bella's. She just stood there, void of all emotion, staring at me, watching me cry. "You promised me that you would wait for me. You said you could handle it, you said that you would wait forever if that's how long it took for me to be ready. If you just gave me one month Edward, just one, we wouldn't be in this mess!" Her voice was starting to rise. "You said that it didn't matter to you! **YOU SAID THAT YOU LOVED ME!"** She was screaming in my face, yelling, but I knew that I deserved it. "But now I can see that I never really mattered to you. It doesn't make a difference now. It won't ever again." She whispered this so quietly that I barely caught it, but I wasn't exactly sure at this point if I was supposed to or not. "I'll always love you Edward, but I can't ever be with you again. I can't ever trust you again. Goodbye, my love." She went up on her tip-toes and kissed my forehead, her lips barley brushing against me. But I didn't move the least bit.

Bella stared at me for a moment, then turned on her heel and disappeared through the branches, I would never see her beautiful angelic face. How ironic, that I came here tonight to break up with her, yet she left me without a tear falling from those beautiful chocolate eyes of hers. She didn't shed a tear. Well, that bet on my life is still in place, and I do believe that I saw not a drop of moisture in those hard eyes of hers tonight. I quickly righted myself and wiped the salty water from my cheeks with the back of my hand. I made my way out of the meadow, memorizing everything I could see in the forest, walking down the streets, driving in my volvo, that I could. I wanted to remember all the beautiful things in life before they were taken from me.

I slowly drove over to my sister's home, savoring my last moments of life. How could I keep living without Bella? She was my life. As I drove up to Alice's house, I took in the beautiful white mansion that our parents used to live in. They had passed away a few years back, but Bella helped me through it. But eventually I got through it, knowing that I could do anything with Bella by my side. I slowly walked up to the front door and twisted the knob. The door swung open on its hinges, banging against the opposite wall. I swiftly wrote a note to Alice, explaining my sudden disappearnace, or I suppose it could be called a suicide note. After I had taken in the whole house and run thorugh every happy memory I had of my family, friends, and mostly Bella. I was ready.

I left the house, ready to rid myself of my life. I smiled a sadistic smile, I was so ready.

**AN: I know! so sad :( but that's how it had to end, as it is a one-shot. just to get away from the seriousness of my other story. you might ask, "Lizz, that's awful strange to write a depressing story to get away from the seriousness of another. Isn't depressing just as serious. You KILLED EDWARD!!!" Oh wellm you'll get over it. Review! :)**


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